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The Nerd vs. NC: The Final Battle
A doorbell rings, and the door opens; it's NC, surrounded by a cartoon environment (for reasons unknown to us mortals); he winds up, ready to punch, but the camera flips and reveals AVGN, who punches NC first; NC tackles AVGN through the door. NC: AAAAAAAH! AVGN: What were you, raised in a barn? Shut the fuckin' door! NC politely does as he is told, and then the two resume the fight, NC screaming and chasing AVGN deeper into the room; he corners AVGN behind the futon, and lands a couple blows, until AVGN grabs his tie and pulls him down; various small items fly up from behind the futon from the fury of battle (think there were enough "F" words in there? Well it's nothing compared to what these two will spit out! Zing! ...screw you, try transcribing all of these by yourself and see if you don't need to just let it out!). AVGN leaps over the futon and into the middle of the room; NC stands up and the two stare each other down, circling; after drawing close again, they rapidly strike various martial arts poses, to varying degrees of authenticity and menace NC: Oh just hurry up and hit me! AVGN does so, and the two continue to trade blows, occasionally going slo-mo for really powerful hits; then the camera begins switching between first person views of both of them, as they continue to land heavy face shots; when it returns to normal view, they just keep beating each other until NC gets pushed back; he runs forward and they kick each other's legs at high speed, NC at one point removing his hat and wiping away the sweat; they both break off and nurse their legs momentarily, then AVGN runs forward and jump kicks NC into a large pile of empty cardboard boxes NC: WHO KEEPS BOXES AROUND?! Honestly! AVGN: Oh, don't you talk about my boxes! I like boxes! NC: ...that's the fuckest thing I ever heard, shitmop! AVGN: Shitload of fuck! NC: Fuck monkey. AVGN: Givin' you both middle fingers- (he raises his hands and spins around to present his fingers) at full force! NC: Cow humping transvestite! AVGN: Fee Fi Fo Fuck you! He gives the finger at each syllable NC: Ass blower! AVGN: Turd burglar, rabblerabblerabble! NC: (high-pitched) Look at me, I'm the Angry Video Game Nerd! AVGN: Fuck you, fuck you, dick dick dick dick dick- NC: (mocking tone) I like to play video games, ooh! AVGN: (dancing sideways) Fucking you, fucking you fucking you fucking you (gives the finger at each phrase) NC: I like to do stupid things because I'm stupid- AVGN: (stretches his hand as if blocking NC's insults) Shuuuuuut up, Shuuuuuuut up, Shuuuuuuuuuuuuuut up! The two of them trade nonsensical insults back and forth at a rate impossible to record in text until... NC: Cock knocker! AVGN: (pretending to strain for an insult) Jerk. NC: THAT'S IT! He kicks away the boxes and stands up, firing his gun at AVGN, who manages to dodge them and throw a couple hadoukens, knocking the gun away, then switches to sonic booms and a final hadouken, impacting NC who falls to the ground in the Street Fighter style. He recovers quickly, only to see AVGN holding up a lightsaber. NC stands, having one of his own, but when he activates it, it turns out he had it upside down and it stabs his foot; he quickly corrects his error and the two duel for a bit, the camera going in for close-ups; it appears as if they are battling fiercely, but when it pans out again, they are simply waving the lightsabers in front of their faces. They toss the weapons down and resume fighting with their hands, AVGN's first punch making NC lean all the way back and sounding like a gunshot; after a short pause, NC falls to the ground (face forward, somehow) with another gunshot sound; he realizes his gun is in reach, and grabs it, standing up and pointing it at AVGN again. But he's gone! NC searches the room, coming around a corner only to find AVGN in his NES Accessories gear. NC attempts to escape the other way, but gets trapped in a corner. He leans down behind a tiny box in an attempt to protect himself. AVGN advances and points his weapons at NC's face. NC: Wait, wait! Would you let your brother die? AVGN: Brother? NC: Yeah. AVGN: You're my brother? NC: Yes, I am your brother! AVGN: Well then, surely you know the name of our mother! NC: Well of course I know the name of our mother! ...Elizabe- AVGN's gun pushes further toward NC's face NC: Oh blame a guy for trying! AVGN begins firing, a veritable light show emanating from his weapons. Suddenly, however, Satan appears and possesses NC, who rises up, firing Force lightning at AVGN NC: POWER! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! As NC continues to laugh, and his attack strips AVGN of his weapons, Super Mecha Death Christ shows up Super Mecha Death Christ: FUCKERS! NC: Jesus Christ! Super Mecha Death Christ: FUCKERS! FUCKERS! AVGN: That's Super Mecha Death Christ, bitch! Super Mecha Deah Christ advances and blows NC's face off, leaving him a smoldering heap; AVGN and Super Mecha Death Christ leave the room, not seeing NC's bloodied hand rise into frame, Terminator style; the ending title card comes up, saying "The end?" The rest of the video is examples of fan art submitted for the video Category:Content Category:Guides Category:The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts Category:Transcripts Category:Nostalgia Critic